I don't consider myself a very brave person. I think that it is part of being a teacher to hide your vulnerabilities at times so that students don't get the upper hand. I think that kind of then drives other parts of me into a place where I don't show my true personality to a lot of people as well. This typically winds up being me being very non-confrontational with my problems but I can be quite vocal about my problems to third parties instead of addressing the issues directly. But, I guess by saying this I know what I am capable of so to speak.
So, why am I electing for a C-section? To say it's easier isn't really true. Is it easier? Yes. Will the recovery be easier? Who knows. When I had Pnut she was born at almost 10pm Tuesday and I was home walking around with minimal issues by Thursday at 8:30pm. This time around I am not getting my hopes up that my recovery will be as simple, but I can wish for it and see what happens.
My birthing experience with Pnut was not the ideal situation. Through more reading this time around I found that what happened with my body is actually something that happens to women a lot which calls for c-sections. I laugh this time around since my doctor has assured me this time will be more "civilized". A scheduled C-section is low key, low stress, there is more time to wait for medicines to kick in and after all that is the fact that you have an actual due date, not a guess.
So it turns out that I am addicted to baby birth shows when I am pregnant. I really shouldn't watch them so much, but it seems that there is a lack of programming or something right now because it seems like that is all I can find sometimes. As I watch the shows and see the different scenarios I find myself evaluating my decision to have an elected surgury and my decision just continues to be further cemented.
I admire women who know their bodies and limitations to the extent that they would choose to have a natural child birthing experience. I watch the different ones or hear people tell me stories and there is a little niggling in my brain that goes (you should try it) and then I remember what labor felt like before my body started reversing its progress and go, no not doing that again.
I can't wait to hear about the different birth stories that will be coming to me in the next few months. I think there are 4 besides myself at this point. Each experience is going to be different and that is the beauty of birth.
Now for the fear: I was asleep last time! I don't know what to expect during the surgery at all. I know the process, I know what is going to be done, but I have absolutely no idea what it is going to feel like! Crazy to think about for my second c-section. I always joke with people that I went to sleep and woke up with a baby. I question my sanity when I say, "Hmm, can I just do that again too?" Remember this is me the non-confrontational person. This is an example. Let's go with the most extreme scenario imaginable to escape a little bit of fear.
We are 3 days away.
Prayers for:
-Smooth surgery (this includes meds working when they should and procedures going swiftly)
-No surprises (the last c-section they found a cyst on my ovary and we had crazy issues from that for the next few months)
-Healthy baby Cashew
-A recovery that is not necessarily quick, but manageable
Thanks!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's almost here!
So as compared to my appointment two weeks ago, this one was very smooth. My appointment was an hour earlier than the last one and I was out in 20 minutes. Thank you Lord! I really didn't think I could handle waiting another 2 hours like the last time.
Cashew heartbeat was a good rate at 140. He is still head down which is good too because despite me having a C-section when babies are head down for sections it makes the procedure faster too.
It would appear that I have finally gained weight. Two weeks ago I had gained about 3 pounds and today it seems I have gained another 3. Since my first appointment in January was in the afternoon and my last two appointments have been in the morning I have been trying to keep up with that differential. Usually I weigh myself in the morning on the day by weeks change. So as compared to my other weekly weights in the morning I am at 6 pounds gained. I count this as a blessing since for women my size we are not supposed to gain more than 15 pounds.
So now we are at T minus 12 days until my C-section. I have had moments of nesting and am feeling ready finally. At first I was wanting to do things to get ready but it felt too early to start, but now it is so close so having the things finally done feels really good.
Our family is going to change so much with Cashew coming. I still don't know how it is possible to go from 3-4 without an emotional upheaval. You are used to loving two people and suddenly here is another person that enters the mix and will be new and loved the same. We will see how that goes for us, it will definitely be an adventure. :)
Cashew heartbeat was a good rate at 140. He is still head down which is good too because despite me having a C-section when babies are head down for sections it makes the procedure faster too.
It would appear that I have finally gained weight. Two weeks ago I had gained about 3 pounds and today it seems I have gained another 3. Since my first appointment in January was in the afternoon and my last two appointments have been in the morning I have been trying to keep up with that differential. Usually I weigh myself in the morning on the day by weeks change. So as compared to my other weekly weights in the morning I am at 6 pounds gained. I count this as a blessing since for women my size we are not supposed to gain more than 15 pounds.
So now we are at T minus 12 days until my C-section. I have had moments of nesting and am feeling ready finally. At first I was wanting to do things to get ready but it felt too early to start, but now it is so close so having the things finally done feels really good.
Our family is going to change so much with Cashew coming. I still don't know how it is possible to go from 3-4 without an emotional upheaval. You are used to loving two people and suddenly here is another person that enters the mix and will be new and loved the same. We will see how that goes for us, it will definitely be an adventure. :)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Moving
So last week D and I are laying in bed and Cashew is being extra compliant. Moving all over the place and actually feeling like he is doing 2 somersaults that actually hurt quite a bit. But, seeing as Pnut never let her dad feel her move too much in utero it was nice for D to feel. Over the next few days I notice that Cashew's patterns change. Mornings and evenings used to be heavy moving times for him. That had changed to where I was only feeling slight shifts or jabs every once in a while. My doctor had been pushing me for kick counts and honestly who has time to lay down for 1-2 hours to do it, but I did try.
Which brings us to yesterday's doctor's appt. I arrive five minutes early, my appt is at 9:50. I do not get put into a room until 10:35 and the doctor doesn't come in until 11:15. I was seriously pissed. I can't even be nice on the blog and say annoyed. I was definitely pissed. So he begins his normal questions and I say everything seems fine. He then asks about kick counts and I'm honest. He is moving, just not as strongly as before. I figure, the kid is running out of room so this should be fine. My doctor has that look on his face like, oh no this is terrible. I had also threw in my jab that in the hour and a half I had been at the office the baby had moved/kicked at least 8 times that I felt. I was SO pissed. So then he asks me if I have any plans for the rest of the day. Uh, yes. I have to work because it is the one time in the summer that I work, and it is the most important day of the contracted work that I do.
Doctor of course doesn't care and really wants me to go for a non-stress test. I am just deeply annoyed with the whole situation, beginning to freak myself out, etc. What makes me even more aggravated is that the baby's heartrate is 135, Dr. did a brief ultrasound and could see baby moving, head down, and heartbeat. Plus I had said that the baby moved at least 8 times in 1 1/2 hours. Grr. Ok fine, he managed to get me into test right away so I have to walk across Kaiser campus from doctor office to hospital. Call D while I'm walking to update him, text friends I'm working with to let them know what is going on. Get to testing, lay down and do what you probably shouldn't do during a non-stress test: start to ball!
Nurses checked on me and had to calm me down, they told me baby was moving fine and just to relax, but when you are ticked off, upset and then trying to calm yourself down, doesn't always work. Finally relaxed.
Now here is my questions about movement. According to the monitors the baby was moving a lot. But in my 20 minutes of monitoring I really only felt 4 movements. How then are kick counts effective if you can't feel what they count as movement!? GRR.
So, Cashew is fine. I had a craptastic morning, made it to work only about 5-10 minutes late and was completely disjointed from the whole class. Which made me irritated, because I wanted to be all there, and wasn't.
Right now, it is almost 6am. I have been awake since 5 when D left for work because my hips are just in agony. Yesterday and today have been the worst, and this morning I decided it wasn't even worth trying to find a position that works because when you are pregnant there are really only two positions you can lay in in bed, left side and right side. I have the pillow between my legs, I have the pillow that is in front of me supporting Cashew and me. Hips are still on fire constantly. 24 days can't fly fast enough.
I will still maintain that I enjoy pregnancy. I will never complain about the pregnancy part. I will however complain this time about the joint pain because it really hurts.
Let's all hope that my next appt in two weeks is a cakewalk, because I really need it to be :)
Which brings us to yesterday's doctor's appt. I arrive five minutes early, my appt is at 9:50. I do not get put into a room until 10:35 and the doctor doesn't come in until 11:15. I was seriously pissed. I can't even be nice on the blog and say annoyed. I was definitely pissed. So he begins his normal questions and I say everything seems fine. He then asks about kick counts and I'm honest. He is moving, just not as strongly as before. I figure, the kid is running out of room so this should be fine. My doctor has that look on his face like, oh no this is terrible. I had also threw in my jab that in the hour and a half I had been at the office the baby had moved/kicked at least 8 times that I felt. I was SO pissed. So then he asks me if I have any plans for the rest of the day. Uh, yes. I have to work because it is the one time in the summer that I work, and it is the most important day of the contracted work that I do.
Doctor of course doesn't care and really wants me to go for a non-stress test. I am just deeply annoyed with the whole situation, beginning to freak myself out, etc. What makes me even more aggravated is that the baby's heartrate is 135, Dr. did a brief ultrasound and could see baby moving, head down, and heartbeat. Plus I had said that the baby moved at least 8 times in 1 1/2 hours. Grr. Ok fine, he managed to get me into test right away so I have to walk across Kaiser campus from doctor office to hospital. Call D while I'm walking to update him, text friends I'm working with to let them know what is going on. Get to testing, lay down and do what you probably shouldn't do during a non-stress test: start to ball!
Nurses checked on me and had to calm me down, they told me baby was moving fine and just to relax, but when you are ticked off, upset and then trying to calm yourself down, doesn't always work. Finally relaxed.
Now here is my questions about movement. According to the monitors the baby was moving a lot. But in my 20 minutes of monitoring I really only felt 4 movements. How then are kick counts effective if you can't feel what they count as movement!? GRR.
So, Cashew is fine. I had a craptastic morning, made it to work only about 5-10 minutes late and was completely disjointed from the whole class. Which made me irritated, because I wanted to be all there, and wasn't.
Right now, it is almost 6am. I have been awake since 5 when D left for work because my hips are just in agony. Yesterday and today have been the worst, and this morning I decided it wasn't even worth trying to find a position that works because when you are pregnant there are really only two positions you can lay in in bed, left side and right side. I have the pillow between my legs, I have the pillow that is in front of me supporting Cashew and me. Hips are still on fire constantly. 24 days can't fly fast enough.
I will still maintain that I enjoy pregnancy. I will never complain about the pregnancy part. I will however complain this time about the joint pain because it really hurts.
Let's all hope that my next appt in two weeks is a cakewalk, because I really need it to be :)
Monday, July 18, 2011
A light at the end of the tunnel
After today I have, hopefully, only two appointments left with my doctor. Got there today and stepped on the scale to find I had lost another pound. This is the biggest head scratcher for me since I gained weight with Pnut, but with Cashew it would seem that he wants everything and there is no excess. Could be a good thing. Blood pressure is good. When the doctor came in and asked how things were going all my answers are in the affirmative.
No issues? Nope.
Baby moving regularly? Yep
Taking vitamins? Yep
My surgery date seems to be set, my preop appointment is set. Things are progressing and it is kind of crazy that it is finally close to being here.
Cashew's heartrate has increased. I learned today that that is a good thing. Doctor said that when heartrates don't increase over time then it can be a concern. Good to know. Ultrasound showed that he is still head down and in the words of the doctor "has long legs." Not surprising either seeing as his sister broke the 4 foot mark before she turned 6.
Ah, Pnut. She is a character. Loving one moment, stubborn and immoveable the next. She got a haircut recently and looks so grown up with her short little "bob". She is swimming regularly and we have been going to Soak City, which is nice for me because she gets worn out playing and I move from the water, to the lounger, repeat. She is excited for her brother to come, and I truly pray that she continues to love him as much as she seems to outside of the womb as inside it. It will definitely be an experience with the transition from 3 to 4. We have been 3 for so long it is a little scary to think about.
33 weeks and 3 days gone. Time takes time to be sure, but it is very close.
No issues? Nope.
Baby moving regularly? Yep
Taking vitamins? Yep
My surgery date seems to be set, my preop appointment is set. Things are progressing and it is kind of crazy that it is finally close to being here.
Cashew's heartrate has increased. I learned today that that is a good thing. Doctor said that when heartrates don't increase over time then it can be a concern. Good to know. Ultrasound showed that he is still head down and in the words of the doctor "has long legs." Not surprising either seeing as his sister broke the 4 foot mark before she turned 6.
Ah, Pnut. She is a character. Loving one moment, stubborn and immoveable the next. She got a haircut recently and looks so grown up with her short little "bob". She is swimming regularly and we have been going to Soak City, which is nice for me because she gets worn out playing and I move from the water, to the lounger, repeat. She is excited for her brother to come, and I truly pray that she continues to love him as much as she seems to outside of the womb as inside it. It will definitely be an experience with the transition from 3 to 4. We have been 3 for so long it is a little scary to think about.
33 weeks and 3 days gone. Time takes time to be sure, but it is very close.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
It's getter closer, and it feels great
When I had Pnut I went through a real hard time afterwards feeling like I had been cheated. I had had a beautiful pregnancy with her. I had absolutely no complications at all. Labor and Delivery were another story. My initial labor started on a Saturday, but I wasn't admitted until Tuesday. I spent all day in the hospital and my body stalled, not necessarily my contractions. With Pnut's heartrate dropping on a regular basis, and my body resisting medications designed to help me relax we finally went in for a C-section. Even that did not go as planned as Pnut's heartrate kept dropping to the 70s and 80s while they prepped me and the spinal did not take effect fast enough for everyone's comfort level. So, I was put under general anesthetic and when I woke up, it was to a quiet room. I was quickly reassured that Pnut was fine and beautiful and with D. Which she was.
I had felt like I missed the big event. You watch the baby shows on TV and see the joy and excitement when you see the baby for the first time. I didn't have that. So needless to say watching those shows afterwards were quite frustrating and to be honest, anger inducing.
Well, with Cashew, I am feeling a bit more reassured. I discussed my last delivery with my doctor who reassured me that since we are doing a planned C-section this time around we have more time to let the medication take effect, there is no hurry and no distress on Cashew to worry about.
I can also watch the baby shows on TV again. I respect women that give birth naturally, I respect women even more that can do it without medication. I tried, my body failed me, I had medication and those failed me too, Once Bitten, Twice Shy. I am excited to meet Cashew. Pnut is drawing our new family all the time including Cashew. She accepts his name finally! That was a chore. She wants to have input on his middle name, but unfortunately all the names she has been exposed to are Hispanic. The one that sticks out is "Cashew" Lopez. It is just hilarious what she comes up with. She also wanted Jose #3 since there was a #1 and #2 in her class this year.
She cracks me up. My expected surgery date is August 26th and it can't come fast enough!
I had felt like I missed the big event. You watch the baby shows on TV and see the joy and excitement when you see the baby for the first time. I didn't have that. So needless to say watching those shows afterwards were quite frustrating and to be honest, anger inducing.
Well, with Cashew, I am feeling a bit more reassured. I discussed my last delivery with my doctor who reassured me that since we are doing a planned C-section this time around we have more time to let the medication take effect, there is no hurry and no distress on Cashew to worry about.
I can also watch the baby shows on TV again. I respect women that give birth naturally, I respect women even more that can do it without medication. I tried, my body failed me, I had medication and those failed me too, Once Bitten, Twice Shy. I am excited to meet Cashew. Pnut is drawing our new family all the time including Cashew. She accepts his name finally! That was a chore. She wants to have input on his middle name, but unfortunately all the names she has been exposed to are Hispanic. The one that sticks out is "Cashew" Lopez. It is just hilarious what she comes up with. She also wanted Jose #3 since there was a #1 and #2 in her class this year.
She cracks me up. My expected surgery date is August 26th and it can't come fast enough!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Feeling Full and weird scientific
28 weeks and 3 days. Roughly 9 1/2 weeks left. Wow.
I completed another school year Friday and am so excited for this summer. There are so many things happening, yet so much time to relax at the same time.
Yesterday I had my first real gripe about being pregnant. The hip and tail bone pain is annoying, but I can deal; the pinched nerve is painful at times, but I can get over it. No, yesterday as I walked from one end of my house to another I was so winded that I felt like I had just jogged on a full stomach and wanted to pant like a dog to recover. My guess is I have a baby head or rump pushing up into my diaphram. After laying down and actually being able to breath it got better. I don't mind the painful things, I can get through those. I do mind being limited in my ability to walk 50 feet. That is not ok. Despite that I am still getting excited for the end of summer and the arrival of Cashew.
Pnut has 4 more days of school and then our journey for the summer begins. I love my kid, she is just a little stubborn sometimes, so I hope I can keep busy with her, but not wear myself out at the same time.
On Friday I also had my Rhogam shot. It is interesting to explain this to people because not all of them understand. Essentially it is a shot that prevents me from rejecting any foreign blood cells that may enter my system from the baby. Why is this necessary? Well, because I am Rh negative and D is Rh positive. If you remember science from school and if you remember punnent (?) squares for blood typing, they would show how two people with different blood types can have x,y,z types of children usually with a 4 square grid. Well, we had a 25% chance of having a child with positive Rh and that is what Pnut is. Now with Cashew we will see if he ends up with a positive or negative Rh at birth. If he is negative cool, if he is positive I get another shot. I get a little geeky with this because I think it is kind of cool. Especially when I tell people that both of my parents were Rh positive and I am the negative (or that 25% chance) child. D and I have 75% chance of having a Rh negative kid and Pnut was the 25% chance kid.
See completely geeky, ignore my moment. :) I will have interesting examples for middle school science.
My Rhogam is just another stepping stone to Cashew's arrival. Soon the appts every two weeks start, and then suddenly it will be Pnut's 6th birthday, and Cashew will be right around the corner. Oh, with D and my 10th anniversary thrown in there too. Lots to come this summer!
I completed another school year Friday and am so excited for this summer. There are so many things happening, yet so much time to relax at the same time.
Yesterday I had my first real gripe about being pregnant. The hip and tail bone pain is annoying, but I can deal; the pinched nerve is painful at times, but I can get over it. No, yesterday as I walked from one end of my house to another I was so winded that I felt like I had just jogged on a full stomach and wanted to pant like a dog to recover. My guess is I have a baby head or rump pushing up into my diaphram. After laying down and actually being able to breath it got better. I don't mind the painful things, I can get through those. I do mind being limited in my ability to walk 50 feet. That is not ok. Despite that I am still getting excited for the end of summer and the arrival of Cashew.
Pnut has 4 more days of school and then our journey for the summer begins. I love my kid, she is just a little stubborn sometimes, so I hope I can keep busy with her, but not wear myself out at the same time.
On Friday I also had my Rhogam shot. It is interesting to explain this to people because not all of them understand. Essentially it is a shot that prevents me from rejecting any foreign blood cells that may enter my system from the baby. Why is this necessary? Well, because I am Rh negative and D is Rh positive. If you remember science from school and if you remember punnent (?) squares for blood typing, they would show how two people with different blood types can have x,y,z types of children usually with a 4 square grid. Well, we had a 25% chance of having a child with positive Rh and that is what Pnut is. Now with Cashew we will see if he ends up with a positive or negative Rh at birth. If he is negative cool, if he is positive I get another shot. I get a little geeky with this because I think it is kind of cool. Especially when I tell people that both of my parents were Rh positive and I am the negative (or that 25% chance) child. D and I have 75% chance of having a Rh negative kid and Pnut was the 25% chance kid.
See completely geeky, ignore my moment. :) I will have interesting examples for middle school science.
My Rhogam is just another stepping stone to Cashew's arrival. Soon the appts every two weeks start, and then suddenly it will be Pnut's 6th birthday, and Cashew will be right around the corner. Oh, with D and my 10th anniversary thrown in there too. Lots to come this summer!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Just the right size :)
I went to have my follow up ultrasound today and I am happy to say that everything appears to be fine with the baby.
I got there on time and had drank my water like I was supposed to . . . and almost died when I wasn't called until 20 minutes after my appointment time. Thankfully I had a wonderful tech who let me use the restroom first and would take the pictures needed at the end. Amen!
Cashew was automatically found to be head down and the tech said that the best measurement they use for size is the abdomen. Which measured 26 weeks 4 days. Spot on for due date since today I am 26 weeks 5 days. The tech had also asked if I was sure of my LMP, which I was! I saw once again that Cashew is a he, and then the scan continued. His femur (upper leg bone) measured 27 weeks 4 days, and his head measured around 28 weeks. It was so nice to see his little face 8 weeks older. I got a frontal picture of his face and you can see the beginnings of cheeks, it looks like he and Pnut will share the same chin, and his frontal view reminded me of the picture I am going to change my FB profile picture to. It is of Pnut at 2 days old and home from the hospital.
At the end of the scan I asked the tech how much Cashew weighs and he is estimated to be around 2 pounds 4 oz. Everything I read for 27 weeks is around 1.9 pounds so he is over. I guess I was right and I am not the one gaining the weight, Cashew is :). I like to ask my ultrasound techs their years of experience just for fun. Not only was my tech male (and probably the nicest, most cooperative, and informative man EVER), but he had been doing scans for 30 years. Score! He made me laugh because he said that he didn't know how my dr. could have gotten 32 weeks from 25, but that he has told doctors to throw the tape measures away. He listened to me when I mentioned that Cashew had been breech, which is sometimes a cause of larger fundal heights. He measured my fluid and it is still within normal range as well.
So for now, I am a happy mama. I got to see my young man's face and he is just the right size.
I got there on time and had drank my water like I was supposed to . . . and almost died when I wasn't called until 20 minutes after my appointment time. Thankfully I had a wonderful tech who let me use the restroom first and would take the pictures needed at the end. Amen!
Cashew was automatically found to be head down and the tech said that the best measurement they use for size is the abdomen. Which measured 26 weeks 4 days. Spot on for due date since today I am 26 weeks 5 days. The tech had also asked if I was sure of my LMP, which I was! I saw once again that Cashew is a he, and then the scan continued. His femur (upper leg bone) measured 27 weeks 4 days, and his head measured around 28 weeks. It was so nice to see his little face 8 weeks older. I got a frontal picture of his face and you can see the beginnings of cheeks, it looks like he and Pnut will share the same chin, and his frontal view reminded me of the picture I am going to change my FB profile picture to. It is of Pnut at 2 days old and home from the hospital.
At the end of the scan I asked the tech how much Cashew weighs and he is estimated to be around 2 pounds 4 oz. Everything I read for 27 weeks is around 1.9 pounds so he is over. I guess I was right and I am not the one gaining the weight, Cashew is :). I like to ask my ultrasound techs their years of experience just for fun. Not only was my tech male (and probably the nicest, most cooperative, and informative man EVER), but he had been doing scans for 30 years. Score! He made me laugh because he said that he didn't know how my dr. could have gotten 32 weeks from 25, but that he has told doctors to throw the tape measures away. He listened to me when I mentioned that Cashew had been breech, which is sometimes a cause of larger fundal heights. He measured my fluid and it is still within normal range as well.
So for now, I am a happy mama. I got to see my young man's face and he is just the right size.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)