I don't consider myself a very brave person. I think that it is part of being a teacher to hide your vulnerabilities at times so that students don't get the upper hand. I think that kind of then drives other parts of me into a place where I don't show my true personality to a lot of people as well. This typically winds up being me being very non-confrontational with my problems but I can be quite vocal about my problems to third parties instead of addressing the issues directly. But, I guess by saying this I know what I am capable of so to speak.
So, why am I electing for a C-section? To say it's easier isn't really true. Is it easier? Yes. Will the recovery be easier? Who knows. When I had Pnut she was born at almost 10pm Tuesday and I was home walking around with minimal issues by Thursday at 8:30pm. This time around I am not getting my hopes up that my recovery will be as simple, but I can wish for it and see what happens.
My birthing experience with Pnut was not the ideal situation. Through more reading this time around I found that what happened with my body is actually something that happens to women a lot which calls for c-sections. I laugh this time around since my doctor has assured me this time will be more "civilized". A scheduled C-section is low key, low stress, there is more time to wait for medicines to kick in and after all that is the fact that you have an actual due date, not a guess.
So it turns out that I am addicted to baby birth shows when I am pregnant. I really shouldn't watch them so much, but it seems that there is a lack of programming or something right now because it seems like that is all I can find sometimes. As I watch the shows and see the different scenarios I find myself evaluating my decision to have an elected surgury and my decision just continues to be further cemented.
I admire women who know their bodies and limitations to the extent that they would choose to have a natural child birthing experience. I watch the different ones or hear people tell me stories and there is a little niggling in my brain that goes (you should try it) and then I remember what labor felt like before my body started reversing its progress and go, no not doing that again.
I can't wait to hear about the different birth stories that will be coming to me in the next few months. I think there are 4 besides myself at this point. Each experience is going to be different and that is the beauty of birth.
Now for the fear: I was asleep last time! I don't know what to expect during the surgery at all. I know the process, I know what is going to be done, but I have absolutely no idea what it is going to feel like! Crazy to think about for my second c-section. I always joke with people that I went to sleep and woke up with a baby. I question my sanity when I say, "Hmm, can I just do that again too?" Remember this is me the non-confrontational person. This is an example. Let's go with the most extreme scenario imaginable to escape a little bit of fear.
We are 3 days away.
Prayers for:
-Smooth surgery (this includes meds working when they should and procedures going swiftly)
-No surprises (the last c-section they found a cyst on my ovary and we had crazy issues from that for the next few months)
-Healthy baby Cashew
-A recovery that is not necessarily quick, but manageable
Thanks!
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Monday, August 15, 2011
It's almost here!
So as compared to my appointment two weeks ago, this one was very smooth. My appointment was an hour earlier than the last one and I was out in 20 minutes. Thank you Lord! I really didn't think I could handle waiting another 2 hours like the last time.
Cashew heartbeat was a good rate at 140. He is still head down which is good too because despite me having a C-section when babies are head down for sections it makes the procedure faster too.
It would appear that I have finally gained weight. Two weeks ago I had gained about 3 pounds and today it seems I have gained another 3. Since my first appointment in January was in the afternoon and my last two appointments have been in the morning I have been trying to keep up with that differential. Usually I weigh myself in the morning on the day by weeks change. So as compared to my other weekly weights in the morning I am at 6 pounds gained. I count this as a blessing since for women my size we are not supposed to gain more than 15 pounds.
So now we are at T minus 12 days until my C-section. I have had moments of nesting and am feeling ready finally. At first I was wanting to do things to get ready but it felt too early to start, but now it is so close so having the things finally done feels really good.
Our family is going to change so much with Cashew coming. I still don't know how it is possible to go from 3-4 without an emotional upheaval. You are used to loving two people and suddenly here is another person that enters the mix and will be new and loved the same. We will see how that goes for us, it will definitely be an adventure. :)
Cashew heartbeat was a good rate at 140. He is still head down which is good too because despite me having a C-section when babies are head down for sections it makes the procedure faster too.
It would appear that I have finally gained weight. Two weeks ago I had gained about 3 pounds and today it seems I have gained another 3. Since my first appointment in January was in the afternoon and my last two appointments have been in the morning I have been trying to keep up with that differential. Usually I weigh myself in the morning on the day by weeks change. So as compared to my other weekly weights in the morning I am at 6 pounds gained. I count this as a blessing since for women my size we are not supposed to gain more than 15 pounds.
So now we are at T minus 12 days until my C-section. I have had moments of nesting and am feeling ready finally. At first I was wanting to do things to get ready but it felt too early to start, but now it is so close so having the things finally done feels really good.
Our family is going to change so much with Cashew coming. I still don't know how it is possible to go from 3-4 without an emotional upheaval. You are used to loving two people and suddenly here is another person that enters the mix and will be new and loved the same. We will see how that goes for us, it will definitely be an adventure. :)
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Moving
So last week D and I are laying in bed and Cashew is being extra compliant. Moving all over the place and actually feeling like he is doing 2 somersaults that actually hurt quite a bit. But, seeing as Pnut never let her dad feel her move too much in utero it was nice for D to feel. Over the next few days I notice that Cashew's patterns change. Mornings and evenings used to be heavy moving times for him. That had changed to where I was only feeling slight shifts or jabs every once in a while. My doctor had been pushing me for kick counts and honestly who has time to lay down for 1-2 hours to do it, but I did try.
Which brings us to yesterday's doctor's appt. I arrive five minutes early, my appt is at 9:50. I do not get put into a room until 10:35 and the doctor doesn't come in until 11:15. I was seriously pissed. I can't even be nice on the blog and say annoyed. I was definitely pissed. So he begins his normal questions and I say everything seems fine. He then asks about kick counts and I'm honest. He is moving, just not as strongly as before. I figure, the kid is running out of room so this should be fine. My doctor has that look on his face like, oh no this is terrible. I had also threw in my jab that in the hour and a half I had been at the office the baby had moved/kicked at least 8 times that I felt. I was SO pissed. So then he asks me if I have any plans for the rest of the day. Uh, yes. I have to work because it is the one time in the summer that I work, and it is the most important day of the contracted work that I do.
Doctor of course doesn't care and really wants me to go for a non-stress test. I am just deeply annoyed with the whole situation, beginning to freak myself out, etc. What makes me even more aggravated is that the baby's heartrate is 135, Dr. did a brief ultrasound and could see baby moving, head down, and heartbeat. Plus I had said that the baby moved at least 8 times in 1 1/2 hours. Grr. Ok fine, he managed to get me into test right away so I have to walk across Kaiser campus from doctor office to hospital. Call D while I'm walking to update him, text friends I'm working with to let them know what is going on. Get to testing, lay down and do what you probably shouldn't do during a non-stress test: start to ball!
Nurses checked on me and had to calm me down, they told me baby was moving fine and just to relax, but when you are ticked off, upset and then trying to calm yourself down, doesn't always work. Finally relaxed.
Now here is my questions about movement. According to the monitors the baby was moving a lot. But in my 20 minutes of monitoring I really only felt 4 movements. How then are kick counts effective if you can't feel what they count as movement!? GRR.
So, Cashew is fine. I had a craptastic morning, made it to work only about 5-10 minutes late and was completely disjointed from the whole class. Which made me irritated, because I wanted to be all there, and wasn't.
Right now, it is almost 6am. I have been awake since 5 when D left for work because my hips are just in agony. Yesterday and today have been the worst, and this morning I decided it wasn't even worth trying to find a position that works because when you are pregnant there are really only two positions you can lay in in bed, left side and right side. I have the pillow between my legs, I have the pillow that is in front of me supporting Cashew and me. Hips are still on fire constantly. 24 days can't fly fast enough.
I will still maintain that I enjoy pregnancy. I will never complain about the pregnancy part. I will however complain this time about the joint pain because it really hurts.
Let's all hope that my next appt in two weeks is a cakewalk, because I really need it to be :)
Which brings us to yesterday's doctor's appt. I arrive five minutes early, my appt is at 9:50. I do not get put into a room until 10:35 and the doctor doesn't come in until 11:15. I was seriously pissed. I can't even be nice on the blog and say annoyed. I was definitely pissed. So he begins his normal questions and I say everything seems fine. He then asks about kick counts and I'm honest. He is moving, just not as strongly as before. I figure, the kid is running out of room so this should be fine. My doctor has that look on his face like, oh no this is terrible. I had also threw in my jab that in the hour and a half I had been at the office the baby had moved/kicked at least 8 times that I felt. I was SO pissed. So then he asks me if I have any plans for the rest of the day. Uh, yes. I have to work because it is the one time in the summer that I work, and it is the most important day of the contracted work that I do.
Doctor of course doesn't care and really wants me to go for a non-stress test. I am just deeply annoyed with the whole situation, beginning to freak myself out, etc. What makes me even more aggravated is that the baby's heartrate is 135, Dr. did a brief ultrasound and could see baby moving, head down, and heartbeat. Plus I had said that the baby moved at least 8 times in 1 1/2 hours. Grr. Ok fine, he managed to get me into test right away so I have to walk across Kaiser campus from doctor office to hospital. Call D while I'm walking to update him, text friends I'm working with to let them know what is going on. Get to testing, lay down and do what you probably shouldn't do during a non-stress test: start to ball!
Nurses checked on me and had to calm me down, they told me baby was moving fine and just to relax, but when you are ticked off, upset and then trying to calm yourself down, doesn't always work. Finally relaxed.
Now here is my questions about movement. According to the monitors the baby was moving a lot. But in my 20 minutes of monitoring I really only felt 4 movements. How then are kick counts effective if you can't feel what they count as movement!? GRR.
So, Cashew is fine. I had a craptastic morning, made it to work only about 5-10 minutes late and was completely disjointed from the whole class. Which made me irritated, because I wanted to be all there, and wasn't.
Right now, it is almost 6am. I have been awake since 5 when D left for work because my hips are just in agony. Yesterday and today have been the worst, and this morning I decided it wasn't even worth trying to find a position that works because when you are pregnant there are really only two positions you can lay in in bed, left side and right side. I have the pillow between my legs, I have the pillow that is in front of me supporting Cashew and me. Hips are still on fire constantly. 24 days can't fly fast enough.
I will still maintain that I enjoy pregnancy. I will never complain about the pregnancy part. I will however complain this time about the joint pain because it really hurts.
Let's all hope that my next appt in two weeks is a cakewalk, because I really need it to be :)
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